Eliza and Monica / Act One Ė Scene Two

Act One Ė Scene Two

ELIZA: What are you doing here?

MONICA: I thought you really wanted me to come. I was bored so I decided to come. I got lost, but I made it! Whereís Tom?

ELIZA: Whoís Tom? Oh, that bloke didnít show. He probably forgot. Too good to be true, you know? Iím trying to catch the bartenderís attention now, so donít you interfere.  Just because you canít catch a man doesnít mean that you have to steal mine. Get lost.  Go to the Prince Charles Cinema. Come on, go on now. He asked me to stick around till after close. I donít want him to think that Iím bringing along a friend. I want him to know that I mean serious business.

MONICA: Youíre a mean drunk.

ELIZA: Iím not drunk. Iím serious.

MONICA: You invited me to come. I didnít even want to go. I could have enjoyed a peaceful night at home. What are you doing trying to attract the bartenderís attention. Donít you want a decent guy?

ELIZA: He is a decent guy. And anyway, Iím just looking for some action tonight; thatís all. 

MONICA: Why did you ask me to join you if you really didnít want me to come?

ELIZA: I asked you to come because I was being polite. Say, how did you ever find the pub? I told you it was off of Knightsbridge to point you in the wrong direction.

MONICA: Youíre kidding me! I thought I heard wrong or maybe I wasnít paying attention.  I asked a fellow and he told me that the Archduke Pub was at Waterloo. I came straight away. Hey, if you want me to leave, I will.

ELIZA: Shoot, blast it.


ELIZA: Heís trying to pick up that girl over there. See that? My shot is over. Thanks a lot!

MONICA: Iím sorry. How can I make it up to you?

ELIZA: Weíre even. I gave you wrong directions and you ruined my chances with the bartender.

MONICA: So how long have you lived in London?

ELIZA: Oh, six years.  I originate from Salisbury.  Country area near Stonehenge.

MONICA: Oh, it must be pretty. I mean to travel England and see more of the country.

ELIZA: Bloody hell, it is pretty. But do you think that really matters? Itís so incredibly boring. I moved to London because I liked the fast paced environment. Good paying jobs. Lots of pubs. Lots of men. You know?


ELIZA: Hey, do you want to come to a party tomorrow night?

MONICA: I donít know. What are these people like?

ELIZA: Well, I donít know half of the people that are going to be there. But itís a drinking party. Itíll be fun. Lots of booze- 

MONICA: Oh, I donít know.

ELIZA: You need to experience the English culture. Get smashed. Just this once. Come on.

MONICA: I really donít know if Iíll drink much.

ELIZA: Thatís alright.  You can just witness the environment.

MONICA: I donít want to get too drunk or anything. I start my job and I donít want to wake up with a hangover.

ELIZA: Donít worry about it.  Itíll be fun. So tell me about where youíre from.

MONICA: Nashville, Tennessee. 

ELIZA: Lots of country music. Ick.

MONICA: Yeah, thereís country music.

ELIZA: So why did you want to move here?

MONICA: Oh, I always read books by Jane Austen and the BrontŽs and just had to come. 

ELIZA: Youíre not disappointed, are you? It seems things have changed in the last two hundred years. 

MONICA: Well, I visited three years ago and absolutely adored it. I went to work for a company that had a branch over here with the intention of transferring.  And so Iíve transferred.

ELIZA: I see. And you donít want to go back for awhile.

MONICA: I really mean to stay.

ELIZA: Then you should learn to drink.

MONICA: Not everyone drinks, do they?

ELIZA: Practically. Youíre in a different culture now. If you love England so much, then drink. Even Jesus drank.

MONICA: He drank wineÖ

ELIZA: Then get yourself some wine.

MONICA: OK, maybe later. Iím gonna get some rest tonight.

ELIZA: I was just going to ask you to leave. Iím going to hit on that guy who just walked in.