Pretty Faces

 

 

By Allison McCulloch

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PO BOX 22146

Nashville, TN 37202

615-337-5420

bluerice@hotmail.com


FADE IN:

 

EXT. SMALL COZY HOME - DAY

 

There is a flower garden in front of the house.It looks like a house that the quintessential American family would live in.

 

CHAD (V.O.)

I've been happily married to Mollie for forty years.I've never looked at another woman, because she has kept me perfectly happy.She's not the prettiest girl, but believe me... beauty is only skin deep; pretty faces deceive.

 

INT. ELGIN-RHODES OFFICE - DAY

 

Tiffany looks at schedule on desk while talking on phone.

 

CHAD (V.O.)

I was a janitor and Tiffany was a successful business-woman.I thought if I went to college at night, maybe I could earn a degree and work beside her.

 

INT. ELGIN-RHODES OFFICE - LATE AFTERNOON

 

Chad imagines he is talking to Tiffany and works at her office.Her name is inscribed on the office door and his name is inscribed underneath.They share opposite desks.

 

CHAD

So Tiffany, you look as attractive as our price-lining strategy.

 

TIFFANY

Oh how sweet.

 

CHAD

I designed a SWOT chart for our love. You give both strength and weakness to my heart.Our love is an opportunity as well as a threat to the many who would like to be your suitor.

 

EXT. CHAD AND BOBBYíS APT. - MAILBOX AREA

 

Chad is shown by his mailbox, holding ACT results in his hands.

 

CHAD (V.O.)

But I couldn't get into any college, because I dropped out of high school and got low ACT scores.

 

An attached letter has in information in big print:"Bottom 1% percentile".

 

INT. ELGIN-RHODES OFFICE - MARILYNíS DESK - DAY

 

CHAD (V.O.)

So I was nice to her friend Marilyn, soI could get on her good side and so she would eventually introduce me to Tiffany.

 

CHAD

Have a nice day Marilyn. Let me know if you need anything else.

 

Marilyn continues TALKING on the phone.

 

INT. OFFICE STORE - DAY

 

Chad is staring off into space while his day planner is being rung up.

 

CHAD (V.O.)

But since that didnít lead anywhere, I thought buying a day-planner might come in handy some time.

 

CASH REGISTER GIRL

Excuse me, your change is four eighty-three, sir.

 

INT. ELGIN-RHODES OFFICE - BREAK ROOM - NOON

 

MARILYN

Guys are such jerks.I spilled coffee all over Bryan's shirt and I thought he was going to the bathroom to clean up and he left me there, alone with the bill.

 

TIFFANY

Well what are you looking for in a guy?

 

MARILYN

He has to be sensitive.

 

TIFFANY

Aw...

 

MARILYN

He has to have a sense of humor.

 

Tiffany nods.

 

MARILYN (cont.)

Have lots of money.

 

TIFFANY

What about a nerdy scientist?

 

MARILYN

No, no, he has to be cute.

 

TIFFANY

What if he were perfect in every other way?

 

MARILYN

No I couldn't live with someone who was ugly.So how about you... dating anyone?

 

TIFFANY

No, I can't seem to find the right guy.

 

MARILYN

For goodness sakes, date all the guys you can.Then surely you'll find the right person. Youíre missing out on the game, Tiffany.

 

TIFFANY

No, I know this sounds crazy, but I think I'll know the right guy when I meet him.

 

MARILYN

Hey, remember when you won the karaoke prize last year at the Christmas party?

 

TIFFANY

Oh yeah.

 

MARILYN

You should start singing in clubs, then quit this awful office job. Then you would be a big star and Iíd know someone famous.

 

TIFFANY

Iíd like to do that.

 

MARILYN

Well, the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.Things just wonít happen themselves.Youíve got to make them happen.

 

TIFFANY

OK.

 

INT. BAR - EARLY EVENING

 

Bobby holds a cold beer in his hands, while Chad has an empty mug.They are at a booth.

 

BOBBY

You really like her.

 

CHAD

Yeah, but I have no money.I'm not smart like her. I'm ugly.

 

BOBBY

Yeah, but you're funny.I bet you could convince her to like you after just one date.

 

CHAD

But how do I get her to go out with me?

 

BOBBY

You should get some gigs at some clubs around town telling jokes.Maybe you could be a famous comedian and she wouldn't be able to resist you.

 

CHAD

Do you think it would work?

 

BOBBY

Itís the only thing I can think of.

 

INT. ELGIN-RHODES OFFICE - TIFFANYíS DESK Ė LATE AFTERNOON

 

It is apparent that everyone has gone home for the day. Chad is wearing a leather jacket and taking out the trash from under Tiffany's desk.Chad sees Tiffany's schedule. On Tuesdayís space, it reads ďAmateur Night @ Ronnie's 8 PMĒ.He pulls out a day-planner from his jacket and writes down ďTiffany at Ronnieís, 8 P.M. Get there early.Ē

 

INT. CHAD AND BOBBYíS APT. Ė EVENING

 

BOBBY

Guess what?

 

CHAD

What?

 

BOBBY

Oh, you havenít heard, have you?

 

CHAD

No. What?

 

BOBBY

Martin Edwards is gonna be in town and I got tickets for us!Woo-hoo!

 

CHAD

Thatís cool. Weíre going!

 

BOBBY

And itís sold out.I told this guy at work I was going and he called to get tix right away.Itís totally sold out.

 

Chad looks at the tickets.

 

CHAD

Itís at the Greenbrier. Thatís why.That place only holds about four hundred people.

 

BOBBY

Rock on! Weíre going.I thought maybe you could learn how star comedians deal with their audiences, watching Martin Edwards.

 

CHAD

Wow, thatís great.Hey, I got a tip that Tiffany will be at Ronnieís this Tuesday and Iím gonna try out this routine I got together.

 

BOBBY

Sheíll love you right away.You just gotta prove yourself to her.

 

INT. RONNIE'S - NIGHT

 

Chad is faced across from BILLY, separated by a wooden podium.

 

BILLY

(gruff, but not mean)

We're all booked tonight.Try next Tuesday.You gotta get here early.

 

CHAD

Could you put me on a waiting list?Itís really important that I perform tonight.

 

BILLY

No can do.Dozens of people show up every Tuesday and we only have so much time you know.

 

WENDY

Hey, you can take my slot.My duet partner didn't show up.

 

BILLY

Now, wait a minute Wendy, we have a waiting list a mile long.

 

CHAD

Iím Wendyís duet partner. You don't even recognize me, do you?

 

WENDY

Címon Billy, letís cut through the red tap.I have laryngitis, so why donít you let my partner go solo.Címon, heís cute.

 

BILLY

I guess, Wendy.So, you sing, kid?

 

CHAD

Actually, no.I tell jokes.

 

BILLY

Well that's good.It seems we have a lot of singers here tonight.

 

INT. RONNIEíS Ė STAGE - CONTINUOUS

 

A young woman (20ís) is singing onstage.

 

JENNIFER

IíM A BITCH

IíM A TEASE

IíM A GODDESS ON MY KNEES...

 

Chad looks at his watch. Tiffany steps onto the stage in a blue sequin dress. She looks professional, but a little nervousness is apparent. She sings.

 

TIFFANY

WHERE DOES MY HEART BEAT NOW

WHERE IS THE SOUND

THAT ONLY ECHOES THROUGH THE NIGHT

 

Tiffany misses high notes. Chad cringes. Then it's his turn.He tells a couple jokes.There is immense laughter followed by applause.

 

TIFFANY

Who is that?

 

INT. RONNIEíS Ė BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS

 

BILLY

You were great.Who are you?

 

CHAD

Chad Buck.

 

BILLY

Let's see if you're this good for another time.Come back this Friday and we'll give you a one hour spot at eight.If you sell drinks, we'll pay you 40 bucks.

 

CHAD

I'll do my best.I'll work on some new material.I know youíll like it.

 

He looks for Tiffany and catches her on the way out.

 

CHAD

Hey, hey, Why are you crying?

 

TIFFANY

(smiles a little through tears)

Oh hi.Oh gosh, I was terrible.

 

CHAD

No, you weren't.Why do you say that?

 

TIFFANY

(choked up)

I was off.

 

CHAD

Off?

 

TIFFANY

Off key. I wanted to be a big star and I just know I donít have what it takes.

 

CHAD

I didn't even notice that you made any kind of mistake.I was looking at your dress.You look really pretty.

 

Tiffany begins to really clear up.

 

TIFFANY

Well you were great.

 

CHAD

Oh thanks.Did you really like me?

 

TIFFANY

Of course; you're funny.

 

CHAD

Here's my phone number in case you ever get lonely or something.

 

He scribbles it with a pen on a Ronnie's cocktail napkin.Tiffany tears the unwritten part off.

 

TIFFANY

Great here's mine.

 

She grabs Chadís pen and writes her phone number on the unused portion of the napkin. Chad begins to walk off.

 

CHAD

I'll call you!

 

INT. ELGIN-RHODES - BOSSí OFFICE - AFTERNOON

 

 

TIFFANYíS BOSS

Tiffany Dashman.Youíve worked here for three years.We gave you a five percent raise last year though your performance was iffy... Weíve decided to not go ahead and give you a raise this year.You job performance has not been outstanding.

 

TIFFANY

Maybe you could give me some pointers on how to improve?

 

TIFFANYíS BOSS

Maybe you better look for another job, if you want more money.It sounds like we can never give you enough here at Elgin-Rhodes.

 

TIFFANY

Oh no, thatís not it at all.

 

TIFFANYíS BOSS

Alright.I want to see more progress.OK, Tiffany?

INT. RONNIE'S - NIGHT

 

Applause can be heard and it is apparent that Chad has finished his set.It is the end of the night and BILLY pays forty dollars to Chad.

 

INT. RONNIEíS Ė BACK ROOM - NIGHT

 

BILLY

So next Friday night?

 

CHAD

Sure.

 

BILLY

You did good kid.

 

INT. APARTMENT HALL - DAY

 

ANNIE approaches Chad.

 

ANNIE

Chad Buck.What a sweetie.

 

CHAD

Hello Mrs. Powell.

 

ANNIE

No, no, just call me Annie.

 

CHAD

So whatís going on, Annie?

 

ANNIE

I assume everythingís OK with you.I got your rent five days ago, which was a couple days early.

 

CHAD

Of course.I try to get it in as quickly as possible.

 

ANNIE

Well, you might want to mention to Bobby that I havenít received his portion of the rent yet and it was due yesterday.

 

CHAD

Oh OK, Annie.Iíll talk to him about it.

 

ANNIE

Thank you sweetie.

 

INT. CHAD AND BOBBY'S APT. Ė DAY

CHAD

Hey Bobby?

 

BOBBY

Yeah?

 

CHAD

You got the rent for this month?

 

BOBBY

Uh...

 

CHAD

What did you spend it on, huh?

 

BOBBY

Uh, well, you see...

 

CHAD

Bobby!

 

BOBBY

I just went crazy and bought a CD burner.Then I completely ran out of cash.

 

CHAD

A CD burner? What do you need that for?

 

BOBBY

Well, CDs are pretty expensive these days.I hope you wonít get mad, but I was thinking... maybe if I sold those Martin Edwards tickets, Iíd have enough for rent.That is unless you want to cover it for this month.

 

CHAD

Iím just a janitor.I donít make big bucks, you know.And I was looking forward to that Martin Edwards show.I bet it would have been great.

 

BOBBY

Yeah, Iíve heard this tour has been great so far.

 

INT. ELGIN-RHODES OFFICE - DAY

 

TIFFANYíS BOSS

Tiffany, do you have a moment?

 

TIFFANY

Of course.

 

TIFFANYíS BOSS

This conversation has nothing to do with your formal appraisal from the other day.

 

TIFFANY

Alright, thatís great.

 

TIFFANYíS BOSS

It seems I have good news to report.Elgin-Rhodes has been doing awfully poorly in the last year, particularly the last quarter.Weíre a pretty good business though, and the LŲschen Corporation decided to merge with us.

 

TIFFANY

That sounds wonderful; what a great opportunity.

 

TIFFANYíS BOSS

Of course with mergers, companies decide to cut back due to overstaffing. Weíve decided that you will be one of the ones we will let move on to another opportunity. Weíll sorely miss you.

 

TIFFANY

What?

 

TIFFANYíS BOSS

Now, weíre offering a generous severance pay. For every year youíve worked here, you get one weekís salary.

 

TIFFANY

So that would equate to three weeks for me?

 

TIFFANYíS BOSS

Absolutely correct. Youíll no doubt find a job before your severance pay ends, so we are being more than fair.

 

TIFFANY

Oh great.

 

EXT. GREENBRIER - NIGHT

 

MARTIN EDWARDS FAN

Tickets!! Does anyone have tickets?

 

BOBBY

We do and you donít.

 

MARTIN EDWARDS FAN

How much did you pay for those tickets?

 

BOBBY

Twenty-five each.Plus a ten dollar convenience charge per ticket.

 

MARTIN EDWARDS FAN

Yeah right.There isnít a ten dollar charge per ticket.

 

SCRAGGLER

Hey Iíll give you one-fifty for both tickets.I need them.

 

MARTIN EDWARDS FAN

OK, Iíll pay one-seventy-five.But thatís it. Tops.

 

SCRAGGLER

Two hundred.

 

BOBBY

Two hundred per ticket?

 

SCRAGGLER

No, I meant all together.

 

CAL

Hey. Iíll pay two hundred a ticket.I just need to get me and my wife in.Itís her birthday.

 

BOBBY

There you go.

 

Scraggler walks off.

 

BOBBY (cont.)

I guess I can pay the rent now.

 

INT. INTERVIEW OFFICE - DAY

 

Tiffany is unusually warm and delightful, dressed up for her interview.

 

INTERVIEWER

So basically, this job is real simple and a lot of fun.As long as you meet your quota, you have a job and we know youíre not hanging around the coffee lounge all day.Come in by eight-thirty each morning, and that would be wonderful.Dress casually; I know ninety percent of your contacts will be addressed by phone, so thereís no need to be as spiffy as you are now.

 

TIFFANY

Well, that sounds wonderful.

 

INTERVIEWER

When could you start?

 

TIFFANY

Day after tomorrow.

 

INTERVIEWER

That sounds great.I know youíll really enjoy working here.

 

TIFFANY

It was nice meeting you.

 

INT. OFFICE LOBBY Ė MORNING

 

Tiffany rushes toward the elevator with coffee.As she steps out of the elevator, she empties her plastic cup in a nearby trash container and rushes to her cubicle.It reads ď8:29 A.M.Ē on the clock.

 

TIFFANY

Just in time, good.

 

Tiffany sits down in her chair and notices SUSAN shuffling through some files.Tiffany turns her swivel chair to face Susan.

 

TIFFANY

Hi, Iím Tiffany.

 

SUSAN

Iím actually in the middle of something.Look around you! My nameís Susan, but donít expect me to chit-chat with you every day.

 

Susan starts walking away, but Tiffany is still acting bright.

 

TIFFANY

Bye Susan!

 

Tiffany stands up to see a number of other people seem busy.She sits back down and quietly talk to herself.

 

TIFFANY

OK, he told me to come in at eight-thirty. Maybe I missed something.

 

INTERVIEW

Tiffany, oh my gosh, youíre in jeans! But youíre wearing a REALLY nice blouse, so that wonít be a problem today.

 

TIFFANY

Oh right. Yes, I noticed I was a little underdressed. I wonít wear jeans again.

 

Interviewer furrows his brow.

 

INTERVIEWER

Or slacks.

 

TIFFANY

Or slacks.

 

Interviewer exits, and Tiffany seems bewildered.

 

TIFFANY

Casual?

 

INT. CHAD AND BOBBY'S APT. - DAY

 

Chad and Bobby are watching TV, while eating popcorn.Phone rings.

 

CHAD

Turn the TV down.Maybe it's Tiffany.

 

Chad answers the phone.

 

AMY MARLOW (filter)

Is this Chad Buck?

 

CHAD

Yeah, who is this?

 

AMY MARLOW (filter)

Amy Marlow from the Coast Star Newspaper.Would you mind setting up a time we could interview?We're always interested in writing about local talent.

 

INT. CHAD AND BOBBYíS APT. Ė DAY

 

Chad and Amy Marlow are sitting on the couch.

 

AMY MARLOW

You're a janitor?

 

CHAD

Only during the day.

 

AMY MARLOW

I would recommend that you try out for television auditions and commercials so your career can really take off.But right now I'm sorry.I won't be able to run a whole entire story on you, because I need more to go on.We can however, spotlight your show in the weekend section, where we recommend quality shows for our audience.

 

EXT. CITY PARK - BENCH

 

Chad looks at paper and spies an ads that reads "TV Audition - MUST BE FUNNY!"He circles it with a pen.

 

INT. PRIVATE OFFICE - MORNING

 

Larry Wilson and George Conners both in their forties are having a private meeting.

 

LARRY

Hey George.

 

GEORGE

Hey Larry, look: Business has been slow lately and I have the same, old tired acts.Do you have any one fresh?

 

LARRY

I'm holding auditions today for the commercial.You can talk to anyone you like.

 

INT. AUDITION ROOM - DAY

 

CHAD

Eat Dorritos chips, because they're good for you.Wait, hold it, it's

(pretends to panic)

LAYS, Lays. Lays are not only good for you, but I'm fired.I know we're on live TV, but the audience is smart.They know we're really endorsing Lays, and NOT Dorritos, right?

 

LARRY

Alright, kid.That's it.

 

CHAD

(tense)

OK.

 

LARRY

What do you think George?

 

GEORGE

I'll try him.Hey kid, how would you like to do a spot at Franco's, downtown?

 

CHAD

I thought this was an audition for a TV commercial.†† That's why I came up with the Dorritos script.

 

LARRY

You're good, but we actually already found the guy for the part.He's had more experience.However, George was looking for some new talent for his club.

 

CHAD

Well I'm up to that sort of thing. I've been gigging at Ronnie's for about a month now.

 

GEORGE

See you Saturday at Franco's.Wear a tux.Weíre a little more upscale than Ronnie's.

 

CHAD

So how much do you pay?

 

GEORGE

Ten bucks an hour.It's a two hour slot.You're lucky.

 

CHAD

They pay me forty bucks down at Ronnie's for just an hour and I don't have to wear a tux.

 

GEORGE

So you don't want the gig?

 

CHAD

Yes, I do.I was just negotiating.

 

GEORGE

Maybe your manager can give me a call if you want to do any negotiating.

 

INT. TIFFANYíS APT. Ė DAY

 

MARILYN (filter)

How is the new job?

 

TIFFANY

Itís really great, only I do NOT get the environment.

 

MARILYN (filter)

Howís that?

 

TIFFANY

Well, at the interview, the boss told me they were really casual over at this place, so I thought oh great, and that was my expectation.

 

MARILYN (filter)

Yeah.

TIFFANY

And I get there and theyíre all dressed up. I decide big deal, I can adapt to that.But then I thought, maybe if they lied to me about this up front, Iíll discover other things they lied to me about, you know?

 

MARILYN (filter)

Totally.

 

TIFFANY

Cause then my boss told me to be at work by eight-thirty.But I guess the norm is for everyone to get there at around seven. I just canít handle getting there that early.

 

MARILYN (filter)

Oh my gosh, that sucks, Tiffany.

 

TIFFANY

And I donít want to look for another job. It was hard enough finding this one, and I admit that it pays decently.But I hate it!

 

MARILYN (filter)

Oh my gosh, I know what you mean.I tried looking for a new job for awhile too, because I thought theyíd downsize me too.But itís absolutely terrible out there in this job market.The competitionís ravenous.

 

TIFFANY

Well, they canít downsize everyone.Youíre probably doing well over there.

 

MARILYN (filter)

Uh, yeah. I have to work twice as hard now that they fired everyone.Instead of working with you all the time, I work by myself.And what do you think they told us at the last meeting?Instead of directly telling us that there would be no pay raises in awhile, they said they were ďhappy to informĒ us that our salaries would not be cut, but would remain stable for the next year.

 

TIFFANY

Oh gosh, thatís awful.

 

MARILYN (filter)

Well, I gotta go.I got a date with Ethan tonight.

 

TIFFANY

Ethan Powell?!

 

MARILYN (filter)

No WAY. This new guy I met at a club, Ethan Miles.

 

TIFFANY

Oh gosh. All guys I meet at clubs are jerks.

 

MARILYN (filter)

Donít stereotype. This guy seems really cool. OK. I gotta go.

 

TIFFANY

See you.

 

INT. RONNIE'S - NIGHT

 

CHAD tells last joke and spots TIFFANY. Chad sits next to TIFFANY.

 

TIFFANY

I'm a fan.

 

CHAD

Of who, me?

 

TIFFANY

Yeah.

 

CHAD

So I hope you liked my jokes.Hey, you never called me.

 

TIFFANY

You never called me.I thought I would call you and you would forget who I was.

 

CHAD

I was going to call you, but I've been busy working at Ronnie's every Friday, plus trying to get more comedy work, so I can quit my day job.

 

TIFFANY

Oh, what is your day job?

 

CHAD

Oh my gosh!I almost forgot.I have a gig tomorrow night at Franco's.They want me to wear a tux.

 

TIFFANY

Cool.

 

CHAD

Do you want to help me pick one out tomorrow? I have no idea where to start.

 

TIFFANY

I would love to.

 

INT. TUX STORE Ė DAY

 

A clerk walks up to Chad and Tiffany as they enter the store.

 

TIFFANY

Yes, weíre looking for a tuxedo.

 

The clerk leads them to the aisle where the tuxedos are.

 

CLERK

Hereís our selection. Let me know if I can be of any assistance.

 

The clerk walks away.Chad holds up a bright suit.

 

CHAD

This one's cool.

 

TIFFANY

No, no, no, no.You want something a little more subtle.

 

CHAD

Something drab and gray.

 

TIFFANY

Well...

 

Chad holds up a no-frills suit and reaches for the price tag.He is shocked.

 

CHAD

One hundred dollars a night for this suit?It looks plain.

 

TIFFANY

It's a whole lot cheaper than buying a suit if you're only going to wear it once.

 

CHAD

But I'm not going to wear it once.I'm going to perform every Saturday at Franco's from now on.But that's just it.I can't.

 

TIFFANY

Why not?

 

CHAD

Because I'm only getting paid twenty dollars and the rental is a hundred dollars.I tried to negotiate, but they said my "manager" would have to, if I wanted a shot at getting paid anything higher.Everything's getting out of control so fast.

 

TIFFANY

You do need a manager.

 

CHAD

That way I can get more gigs.They can work on getting me work, while I concentrate on being creative.

 

TIFFANY

(confused)

No, actually that's more like the work of an agent.Managers are there to make sure everything runs smoothly.

 

CHAD

Well that sounds like a rip.Anyone could be my manager.

 

TIFFANY

No, you need to pick out someone with a smart business mind to make sure your career doesn't get into any trouble.You need someone with an idea for your careerís future.

 

CHAD

You're a smart business-woman.Maybe you could be my manager.

 

TIFFANY

My area of expertise is actually marketing.

 

CHAD

Oh well, it never hurt to ask.

 

TIFFANY

(pauses)

Oh my gosh!

 

CHAD

What?

 

TIFFANY

I could market you.In college, my professors were always talking about how personalities were like a product too, and they were created to have an image that would be appealing to their market.I could help you with that.

 

CHAD

That's good, because my career is really starting to take off and I don't know if I'll get anywhere if I don't have someone to help me with the business side of things.

 

TIFFANY

I would absolutely love to give something like this a shot. I was down-sized...

 

CHAD

Oh gosh, thatís terrible, Iím sorry.

 

TIFFANY

Thatís OK.I found another job, but I HATE it.It is so not me.It doesnít allow me to be my own person with all the constraints.I am totally going to take this opportunity, Chad.

 

CHAD

So you would be interested in being my manager?Could you call up George at Franco's and do some negotiating?

 

INT. FRANCO'S - BACKSTAGE - EVENING

 

TIFFANY

(scream, to George)

Sign it!

 

GEORGE

I'll give the kid fifty bucks.

 

TIFFANY

No, you'll pay for the tux rental, plus give Chad fifty dollars.If business does well for you and you want him back, you buy him a tux and we sign a contract for multiple shows at one hundred dollars a pop.

 

Tiffany walks out of room.

 

TIFFANY

(to CHAD)

I made him sign a contract for tonight, so he doesn't stiff us.You're making fifty bucks now instead of twenty, so I think it's time we discuss my manager's cut.Twenty percent.

 

CHAD

Tiffany, I'm still not breaking even.I can't afford to pay you yet because of the tux.

 

TIFFANY

No, you're making fifty, plus he's covering the tux rental.

 

CHAD

No way! That's terrific.You can keep the fifty dollars if you want, because I'm just so excited about breaking even.

 

TIFFANY

Chad, no.This is a business deal and I appreciate the offer, but I'm only asking for twenty percent.

 

CHAD

That's only what, five bucks?

 

TIFFANY

Ten bucks.

 

CHAD

Ten dollars for all the hard work you put into this?The negotiating, helping me find a tux, staying here through the show.

 

TIFFANY

You're so sweet and appreciative, Chad.I really see you becoming a star.You just have to promise you won't get jaded like some celebrities and wonder why twenty percent of their income is going straight to management.

 

CHAD

No, I don't think things will ever go sour like that.

 

TIFFANY

That's good, now put on a good show.If they like you, Francoís will pay you double next time.

 

TIFFANYíS APT. Ė DAY

 

The apartment is sparsely decorated with modern, white furniture, with a contract lying neatly on the kitchen table.

 

CHAD

This apartment is so nice. How much is it per month?

 

TIFFANY

Iím going to advise you not to talk money with anyone. People will tell you all about their salaries and theyíll ask you yours.Donít mention any dollar figures.Theyíll be asking you for money.As for how much I pay, thatís a rude question.

 

CHAD

Iím sorry.

 

TIFFANY

No problem. I just want you to know these things, Chad.

 

Tiffany motions for Chad to sit down. She sits down herself.

 

TIFFANY

The contract is for one year. I get twenty percent of all your earnings.I make sure everything goes smoothly. If things donít, I take care of the heat. Here is a power of attorney for you to sign. If anything happens to you or you are tied up, it allows me to make decisions for your career. This is just a standard precaution: I also advise you to get a lawyer, before signing.But like I said, this is standard and I went to a lawyer myself to make this draft, for our business.

 

Chad signs the document.

 

CHAD

Oh this is great. Iíll love having you be my manager. I hope things really take off so you can make lots of money. Twenty percent of what Iím making right now isnít much.

 

TIFFANY

You signed it, great. I still advise you to get a lawyer. Right now, Iím talking to some folks about possibly having you tour with Martin Edwards.

 

CHAD

Martin Edwards!

 

TIFFANY

Yeah, heís great, isnít he?

 

CHAD

Iíd love to tour with him.

 

TIFFANY

You would be opening for him. The pay would be nominal, but the exposure would be priceless and youíd have the opportunity to sell lots of merch.

 

CHAD

Merch?

 

TIFFANY

Excuse me, merchandise.

 

CHAD

And you said managing wasnít your area of expertise! It sounds like you really know what youíre talking about.

 

Tiffany motions to back counter where several management books are located.

 

 

TIFFANY

Iíve literally had to adapt to this overnight. Itís going real well so far. I have tons of ideas for your career and Iím prepared for the best. And if things donít take off, I will do everything in my power to make sure they do take off. You have real talent and I wonít let it go wasted.

 

INT. RONNIE'S - AFTERNOON

 

BILLY

Well hey Chad.I didn't think I'd see you til Friday.

 

CHAD

I know.

 

BILLY

What's up?

 

CHAD

I hate to say this, Billy, Ďcause I love working here.But after this Friday, I'm going to have to stop.I have the chance to tour with Martin Edwards, one of the greats.My manager is trying to break my act this way.

 

BILLY

Oh no, so you're leaving?

 

CHAD

For now.

 

BILLY

Well let me know anytime you're in town and we'll book you.

 

CHAD

You bet.

 

INT. CHAD AND BOBBY'S APT. - EVENING

 

CHAD

Tiffany, this is Bobby, my roommate.

 

TIFFANY

Nice to meet you Bobby.

 

BOBBY

So this is who I've been heaving about. Tiffany this, Tiffany that.Wanna drink?Heineken?

 

CHAD

(whispers to Bobby)

Suggest red wine.

 

BOBBY

Or I could serve up some red wine for you and Chad.

 

TIFFANY

That's great.

 

Chad and Tiffany exit to balcony outside apartment. Chad brings two empty glasses with him and these is a bottle of red wine on the table outside. Chad motions for Tiffany to sit down. He also takes a seat.

 

CHAD

How big do you think this could be?

 

TIFFANY

Pretty big.I'm thinking Chris Rock, Steve Martin...

 

CHAD

A movie star?I don't really have the looks.

 

TIFFANY

You know what, I think you're kind of cute.

 

CHAD

Really?Actually I think things got off track here.I meant to ask you out on a date and you end up being my manager.Iím going to ask you if you want things to be purely professional.

(pause)

 

TIFFANY

Well...

 

CHAD

Cause I don't.I think you have the most glowing eyes.

 

TIFFANY

(smiles)

Thank you.

 

Tiffany moves to kiss Chad, while Bobby opens screen door.

 

BOBBY

Chad?

 

CHAD

Yeah?

 

BOBBY

Is Tiffany staying the night?

 

CHAD

Uh,

 

Chad looks at Tiffany.

CHAD (cont.)

I don't think so, no.Get out of here, Bobby.

 

Bobby smirks, then exits.

 

CHAD (cont.)

He's an idiot.

 

TIFFANY

Listen, I'd better go, but

 

Tiffany kisses Chadís forehead.

 

TIFFANY (cont.)

I really like you. Youíre going to hit it over big.

 

INT. CHAD AND BOBBYíS APT.

 

Bobby holds up CD with computerized cover with Chadís face for graphic artwork.

 

BOBBY

These things will sell like hot cakes. Iíve pressed about a hundred today. See, that CD burner really came in handy.

 

CHAD

Yeah, thatís cool. I can sell these at shows.

 

BOBBY

Maybe a record label will pick you up for your next record and it will sell like more than Alanis Morissette. Youíll be the first billion-seller.

 

CHAD

Well, weíll see how it goes. It looks pretty good just with the computer design weíve got on the computer though, doesnít it?

 

BOBBY

Radical.

 

INT. AUDITORIUM - EVENING

 

CHAD

Thank you St. Louis, you are awesome!

 

INT. AUDITORIUM - EVENING

 

CHAD

Nashville, you rule!

 

INT. AUDITORIUM - EVENING

 

CHAD

Atlanta rocks! Man I love you guys.

 

The sound guy whispers to him inaudibly.

 

CHAD

It seems I forgot to tell my most popular joke.

 

The crowd ROARS.

 

INT. AUDITORIUM Ė BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS

 

ATLANTA COORDINATOR

We're going to have to cancel the show.Martin's too drunk to go on.

 

TIFFANY

Are you kidding me? Iíve seen the show and itís not funny anymore. Martin's an old has-been who gets a couple of laughs from old fans who only remember him for who he was.You're going to put him on that stage tonight and give my client his money.

 

ATLANTA COORDINATOR

They'll feel cheated and the show will get bad reviews in Atlanta.We can't afford that.

 

TIFFANY

The audience won't feel cheated. Chad Buck just put on a memorable show.Put Martin on now!

 

INT. AUDITORIUM Ė BACKSTAGE Ė TWO HOURS LATER

 

CHAD

What was up with Martin tonight?

 

TIFFANY

He was drunk.

 

CHAD

Why'd they let him go on like that? It was terrible.It was sad to see one of my heroes go down like that.Promise me you'll take care of me and I won't ever end up like that.

 

TIFFANY

OK sweetheart.

 

CHAD

Tell me when it's time to quit.

 

INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT

 

TIFFANY

(screams)

It's time to quit you bastard!

 

CHAD

What's wrong?

 

TIFFANY

Racial slurs, slamming women, making fun of people with diseases.What happened?You were so different tonight.We don't want NOW calling you the most evil man of the year.

 

CHAD

Yes, we do.That way, we get more publicity.

 

TIFFANY

You don't know the first thing about business.DON'T interfere with my game plan.If you want changes, talk to me first.Don't go off with some idea you have. I didnít build your career up, just so you could tear it all now.

 

Suddenly a madman appears.He has brought his daughter and his face is flushed.

 

MADMAN

Hey I brought my kid to see Martin Edwards tonight, because we've always watched his movies together as a family.He's a family comedian.This kid here is nothing but trouble.My little girl didn't need to hear the kinds of things you said tonight about...

 

Madman punches Chad without further ado.

 

TIFFANY

Security!Security, take this man out!

 

Two big guys grab his arms and take him out.The little girl slowly follows behind.

 

CHAD

And your kid needed to see you lose your temper and beat me up.I'm glad to see you promote violence along with your morals.

 

He directs attention to the little girl.

 

CHAD (cont.)

Love you kid. Stay cool.

 

TIFFANY

Chad, be Mr. Nice Guy from now on, OK?You just made that guy upset.

 

CHAD

I think I know what happened.That show was based on my anger.

 

TIFFANY

Why were you angry?

 

CHAD

I guess it's because I have all these feelings for you and I'm with you all the time, but we never really get to be a couple.Are you interested in me?

 

TIFFANY

Things might get weird if we enter into a serious relationship, while Iím your manager.

 

CHAD

I thought you said you liked me.

 

TIFFANY

(almost crying, upset tone)

I do.

 

CHAD

Well listen to me.I care more about you than my career.I'm willing to give it up just to be with you or I could get another manager so we can go out and you can be more like my girlfriend.

 

TIFFANY

We signed a contract for a year.That's why I'm concerned, if things get crazy and we break up, it could hurt our working environment and I don't want that to happen.

 

INT. BAR Ė AFTERNOON

 

Chad and Bobby are sitting at the bar.The bartender is waiting for Chadís order.

 

CHAD

Another drink.

 

The bartender walks away to prepare the drink.

 

BOBBY

What's wrong?

 

CHAD

I have to do this comic gig for ten more months.I'm under contract to Tiffany.

 

BOBBY

No way man, you can just cut loose and let the contract run out.

 

CHAD

Well in the meantime I need a job.She gets twenty percent of everything I make and I barely break even with all the merchandise I bought to bring along with me out on the road.I'm in the hole right now and have to get rid of this stuff.

 

BOBBY

Bummer.

 

The bartender sits a glass of beer down, near Chad.

 

CHAD

Besides, she said she'd give me a chance after our contract ran out and she didn't want to get entangled with love while weíre doing business.

 

Two rabid fans approach Bobby and Chad.

 

ANN

Oh my gosh, Chris, it's Chad Buck!

 

CHRIS

That's not Chad Buck.

 

ANN

Yes, oh it is.

 

CHRIS

You're not Chad Buck are you?

 

BOBBY

No way, they know you!

 

ANN

Could I have an autograph?

 

CHAD

Oh yeah.

 

ANN

My name is Ann.

 

Chad signs Ann's cocktail napkin.

 

CHRIS

(enthusiastically, smiling)

Oh!We saw you up in Cincinnati and you were great.We're really big Martin Edwards fans, but we really enjoyed you too.We got your comedy CD.When are you going to put another one out?

 

CHAD

Bobby has some CD equipment and as soon as I get some time I'll record one and we'll use Bobby's burner.I have to get a graphic artist or something though.

 

CHRIS

Oh, no way! I'm a graphic artist.Here's my card.

 

Chris pulls out a card and hands it to Chad.

 

CHRIS (cont.)

I'll give you half off anything you want to do and I'll give you an excellent product.I really like your work.

 

ANN

Oh no way! We know Chad Buck now.

 

CHRIS

Right, so give me a call, dude.

 

EXT. DOWNTOWN - NIGHT

 

Chad is walking with Tiffany.They're holding ice cream and holding hands.

 

CHAD

I have a romantic surprise for you.

 

TIFFANY

Remember what I said about romance?

 

CHAD

Oh youíll like it.

 

TIFFANY

OK...

 

CHAD

Close your eyes.

 

Chad leads Tiffany around the corner to Ronnie's entrance.

 

INT. RONNIEíS - CONTINUOUS

 

CHAD

Watch your head.

 

A server narrowly misses Tiffany while holding a tray close to her head.

 

CHAD (cont.)

Open your eyes.

 

TIFFANY

(looks around)

What is this?

 

CHAD

This is where we met.It's our two month anniversary.

 

TIFFANY

How sweet.

 

CHAD

I'm going to do a short stint tonight while we're home this week.

 

INT. RONNIEíS Ė BACKSTAGE Ė MOMENTS LATER

 

Tiffany interrupts Chad and Billy catching up.

 

TIFFANY

You were great!

 

CHAD

Thanks.

 

Chris enters the backstage area, looking for Chad. He pats Chad's back.

 

CHRIS

Chad! Good to see you.

 

TIFFANY

Chris! Oh my goodness.

 

CHRIS

Tiff! Oh you know Tiffany?

 

CHAD

Yeah, she's my girlfriend...

 

Tiffany eyes him, upset that they are not carrying on professionally at the club.

 

CHAD (cont.)

And manager.

 

CHRIS

Oh great, well Tiff and I go way back.

 

CHAD

Where's YOUR girlfriend, Chris?

 

CHRIS

Oh Ann.Yeah, Ann.That was just my cousin.

 

TIFFANY

Oh how is Ann doing?Your Aunt Stacey's daughter.How's Aunt Stacey?

 

CHRIS

Oh great.Ann is such a fan of Chad's.I didn't know you were his manager.

 

TIFFANY

Yeah, well we'll have to go out for coffee.

 

CHRIS

Yeah, maybe sometime.

 

TIFFANY

No, right now! It's been so long. If we donít go now, you know we never will.

 

CHRIS

Oh OK.

 

CHAD

No, I really don't think we can make it tonight.You know?

 

TIFFANY

Oh that's OK. Chris and I will just go alone then. Are you sure you donít want to join us?

 

CHAD

But if you insist, I guess I can.

 

Chris and Tiffany start to exit Ronnieís, when Billy pulls Chad to the side.

 

BILLY

Yeah you keep an eye on her, buddy.

 

INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT

 

Chad stares out into the distance, bored.He is the only one who hasn't received his cappucino yet.

 

CHRIS

So he tells her: Why should I care?

 

Tiffany laughs.

 

CHRIS

So Chad buddy, how is that CD coming along?You need any graphic design still?

 

CHAD

Actually, I'm sorry, I found somebody else.

 

CHRIS

Oh. Who?

 

Waitress (34) brings mocha to Chad.

 

WAITRESS

Sorry about the wait.

 

CHAD

No problem.

 

WAITRESS

Excuse me, are you Chad Buck?

 

CHAD

Yes.

 

WAITRESS

I am so embarrassed to ask you this, but this is for my son.Tomorrow is his birthday and I'd really like to give him your autograph or something.

 

CHRIS

Look lady.People hound him all the time.Show him some respect.

 

CHAD

Oh no, I would love to, especially for your kid.What's his name?

 

WAITRESS

Bobby.

 

CHAD

My best friend's name is Bobby.Tell him that.No, if this were for you, I might tell you to get lost, but this is for a kid.

 

Chad winks at her. The waitress giggles. He signs the back of a business card he pulls out from his jacket.

 

WAITRESS

Thank you.

 

The waitress walks away.

 

CHRIS

Oh that really pumped up your ego.

 

CHAD

Shut up.

 

CHRIS

Tiff, don't you think he's an insecure sissy?

 

CHAD

I gave your cousin an autograph, why can't I give one for some kid?

 

CHRIS

Oh come on.

 

TIFFANY

Chris, calm down.

 

CHRIS

Why are you with such a loser like him? You could be with me.

 

TIFFANY

(disappointedly)

Oh Chris.

 

CHAD

I'll see you guys later.

 

Chad exits and starts to walk home, downcast.Tiffany comes running up to him and kisses him (lightly).He turns to her and smiles.

 

CHAD

I wasn't expecting that.

 

He turns toward her and smiles.

 

TIFFANY

Don't mind Chris.

 

CHAD

So you have a history with him?

 

TIFFANY

Kinda... We were...

 

CHAD

Serious?

 

TIFFANY

Yeah, I broke it off cause I just wasn't sure about him.

 

CHAD

I'm not sure about him either.

 

Tiffany laughs.

 

TIFFANY

I think I'm sure about something, though.

 

CHAD

What?

 

TIFFANY

That I canít help falling in love with you.

 

Tiffany puts her arm around Chad, walking further, into downtown.

 

INT. CHAD AND BOBBY'S APT.

 

BOBBY

Something doesn't seem right.

 

CHAD

What?

 

BOBBY

(imitating Tiffany)

"Oh I don't think we should go out while I'm your manager" and then she says "Oh I think you're the one for me".

 

CHAD

Women are whimsical.

 

BOBBY

Yeah real whimsy.She'll probably leave you when your career dies down for some other guy she met making contacts while working for you.

 

CHAD

Oh come on, shut up.I can't enjoy this moment?

 

BOBBY

I'm not sure about her.That's all.

 

CHAD

Well at least I am.

 

BOBBY

Well at least Iím not.

 

Chad roughhousingly pushes Bobby.

 

INT. MARILYN'S APARTMENT - HALL

 

Chad and Tiffany are walking toward Marilyn's apartment.

 

CHAD

(sarcastic)

Whoa this is getting way too serious. Iím meeting your best friend.

 

TIFFANY

(smiling)

Serious?Maybe we should calm down.

 

CHAD

NO! Not really.

 

Tiffany rings door bell.Marilyn opens the door after a few seconds.

 

MARILYN

Hi.Oh... you're kidding me.You!

 

Marilyn seems upset and makes eye contact with Chad.

 

CHAD

Oh I didn't know you were talking about Marilyn HODGES.Oh yeah, we know each other.

 

MARILYN

I didn't even know your name you piece of scum. THIS is Chad?

 

TIFFANY

What do you mean?

 

MARILYN

Don't you recognize him?

 

TIFFANY

Yes, he's my client.

 

MARILYN

No, look at him closely.

 

TIFFANY

He's my boyfriend and I know what he looks like! What do you mean?

 

CHAD

She's referring to the fact that you must've seen me on America's Most Wanted.†† I'm wanted for armed burglary and murder.

 

MARILYN

I bet.

 

TIFFANY

He's just kidding.

 

MARILYN

So you donít know who he is?

 

TIFFANY

No...

 

MARILYN

He's ... the janitor.

 

TIFFANY

What janitor?

 

MARILYN

The janitor who worked at Elgin-Rhodes.He used to take out the trash.

 

TIFFANY

What?

 

CHAD

I've worked my way up, though.

 

TIFFANY

Oh, you used to be a janitor?

 

CHAD

Yeah, remember when we just met and you asked what my day job was?I was too embarrassed to tell you.I changed the subject or something.

 

TIFFANY

Well that's OK.You were doing honorable work. I respect that, darling.

 

MARILYN

Tiffany, baby, I have nothing against janitorial work.I do have a problem with a janitor who had no class and always used to flirt with me.

 

CHAD

No, I was always nice to you so maybe one day you would introduce me to Tiffany.

 

TIFFANY

What?

 

CHAD

I used to have a crush on you while working there.I saw on your schedule you'd be at Ronnie's that one night and we just chanced to meet.

 

MARILYN

So he admits to stalking you.

 

CHAD

No, I let things take their course.I was even too afraid to call her back when she gave me her phone number.

 

TIFFANY

Marilyn, calm down.I'm kind of in love with Chad. You know that.

 

Tiffany turns to Chad.

 

TIFFANY (cont.)

And it doesn't really matter about your background.

 

MARILYN

Oh well. I guess you can come on in and have a Coke or something.Chad always freaked me out I guess. DONíT you hurt her or Iíll hurt you.

 

CHAD

Donít worry. I love her so much.

 

TIFFANY

Now what happens if I hurt you?

 

Tiffany laughs.

 

INT. BACKSTAGE

 

TIFFANY

Oh damn, it's raining.Turnout's going to be horrible tonight.

 

CHAD

(nonchalant, half-singing)

IT'S RAINING IT'S POURING. EVERYONE IS SNORING.

 

VENUE STAFFMAN

We're sold out; the audience is packed in tight.You better start in about five minutes.The audience is getting antsy.

 

TIFFANY

That's great!

 

CHAD

Oh yeah. San Francisco, we are pulling through.

 

INT. NEWSCAST ROOM Ė INTERVIEW Ė LATE MORNING

BRENDA JENNINGS

You were a janitor before breaking through as a major comedic act?

 

CHAD

Yeah, I realized one day that I wanted to go somewhere and I needed to take the steps to get there. I went from gigging in my hometown to a small tour.

 

BRENDA JENNINGS

I wouldnít call touring with Martin Edwards a small tour.

 

CHAD

Well no, but my part with it was small though.

 

BRENDA JENNINGS

Where do you get your inspiration from?

 

CHAD

Everything I do is for my girlfriend, Tiffany.

 

BRENDA JENNINGS

You heard it.Chad Buck owes it to his girl.I'm Brenda Jennings reporting for news channel five.

 

Chad exits press room.Hundreds of fans are outside.

 

GIRL FAN

I know you have a girlfriend, but will you kiss me?

 

Chad kisses her cheek.The girl fan and her three friends near her start SCREAMING. Chad continues walking to his car, when Cal approaches him.

 

CAL

Hey, Chad, remember me?

 

Chad obviously doesnít recognize Cal.

 

CHAD

Oh yeah, you were... that guy.

 

CAL

You sold me and my wife those Martin Edwards tickets way back when.

 

CHAD

Oh... howís your wife?

 

CAL

She divorced me. I was trying to work things out at that point.

 

CHAD

Oh sorry.

 

CAL

Aw, thatís OK. Hey, could you sign the ticket stub?

 

Cal pulls out the ticket stub from the ticket that Chad originally sold him. Chad signs it.

 

CHAD

Sorry for overcharging you buddy, but I needed the money at the time.

 

CAL

Naw, thatís OK.

 

INT. TIFFANYíS APT. Ė DAY

 

Chad and Tiffany are at a table, sitting across from each other.

 

TIFFANY

Alright, you got two script offers. One offers you a lead role, but I think youíd be more comfortable with this one. Youíd be the comic relief.

 

CHAD

So I donít do that much in that one, right?

 

TIFFANY

It would also be great for your schedule, so you donít have to take much time off the road.

 

CHAD

Could I go for the bigger role?

 

TIFFANY

I wouldnít recommend it. You might not be ready, as you have no professional training.

 

CHAD

Well, Iím gonna go for it.

 

 

INT. BOBBY'S APT.

 

Tiffany and Chad are just entering the front door.

 

BOBBY

Oh my gosh!You're engaged! Look at that diamond.

 

TIFFANY

Oh I don't care about jewelry, but yes, this is a nice ring.

 

CHAD

Mrs. Buck.I like the sound of that.Bobby, I'm gonna force you to be the best man.

 

BOBBY

I'm all up for it.

 

TIFFANY

Great.I think Marilyn would like to be the maid of honor. Is that OK with you?

 

CHAD

Oh yeah, as long as it's OK with her.

(to Bobby)

Marilyn is Tiffany's friend that kind of got upset when she found out I used to be a janitor.

 

TIFFANY

She's alright with it now.

 

CHAD

Oh yeah.She's gotten over it completely.

 

BOBBY

Man, marriage!What a year!You played the lead in that movie with a couple of hot actresses, got an Oscar, followed by more script offers, and a completely booked schedule.

 

CHAD

Yeah, I've been pretty busy.I'm gonna take some time off and honeymoon with Tiffany though our contract's up next week.Then I'll look for a manager and put out a CD in the meantime.

 

TIFFANY

I'm sure you'll find someone competent.

 

CHAD

Not as attractive though.

 

BOBBY

I hope not.

 

They all laugh.

 

INT. BANK - DAY

 

CHAD

(confidently)

I'd like to withdraw six hundred dollars.

 

TELLER

How much?

 

CHAD

Actually make it seven hundred.

 

TELLER

I'm sorry sir.You have the minimum allowed of one hundred dollars in your account.Would you like to cash a check or make a deposit?

 

CHAD

No.My account number is Three Three Three...

 

TELLER

Mr. Chad Buck?

 

CHAD

Yes.

 

TELLER

At fifty-five North Billings Lane. Apartment 2-0-3.

 

CHAD

Yes.

 

TELLER

OK.I see. There was a two million, five hundred and seventy four thousand, six hundred and eighty-three dollar withdrawal made the day before yesterday.A seventy-five dollar check for utilities tried to clear today and bounced.You'll owe fees for that.

 

CHAD

What?There must be some mistake.

 

EXT. HIGHWAY Ė CONTINUOUS

 

Tiffany is driving a red sports car with Chris and a bag full of money.

 

CHRIS

Heíll never go after you with a lawsuit.

 

TIFFANY

I almost felt bad about doing this, but itís so great now.

 

CHRIS

Jamaica here we come!

 

TIFFANY

What would be my twenty percent commission of two point five million, Chris?

 

CHRIS

A half mil, Tiff.

 

TIFFANY

Is that all I'm worth?

 

CHRIS

No baby.

 

They kiss on the Interstate even though she is driving.Traffic is to a minimum.

 

EXT. STREET - RAIN - NIGHT

 

Chad looks really sad and sits on a bus bench, even though it is raining.A sad pop song plays in background.

 

INT. UNIVERSITY HALL - DAY

 

Chad is an old man with a mop, staring off at space. Two young, female college students pass him by.

 

STUDENT

Look at that old guy with that mop.I feel SO sorry for him.

 

STUDENT #2

Whatever.

 

CHAD (V.O.)

I remember Tiffany like it was yesterday.Like I said, I've been happily married to Mollie for forty years.But after Tiffany left me, I decided not to be a comic anymore, because I had no reason to impress anybody.I returned to my life as a janitor after filing for bankruptcy.Tiffany took all I had and I couldn't even pay my debts.So the lesson I learned is this.

 

Pan back to SMALL COZY HOUSE.

 

Pretty faces deceive.Just because Tiffany was gorgeous - and smart - didn't mean she had any decency about herself.Mollie isn't that much to look at, but I find her beautiful because of whatís inside her heart. She has kept me incredibly happy; all my life.

 

FADE OUT...

 

THE END