Lincoln No Eyes tours with DJ Red Beat.

Lincoln No Eyes returns with a sparkling follow-up to their indie debut, telling Linkin Park to get lost if they can’t spell their name right. Songs like “The Return of Lincoln No Eyes” and “Crimson Dilemma”, hail their comeback as the most exciting one in history. Guest appearances by Alanis, Gwyneth Paltrow (sic), and Avril, make this album shine with the intensity to blind.

Rumour has it that LNE’s mgmt wanted them to tour with Nickelback. They were thrilled at the possibility, but were more interested in sharing the stage with DJ Red Beat.

DJ Red Beat’s new album features samples from Radiohead, the Pixies, Tina Arena, and the Vines, making them both redundant and fascinating. Whether the DJ is male or female or a UK or American citizen has not been revealed, but what has been disclosed is that this groundbreaking artist is giving Moby a run for his money!! Sharing an intense dislike for the aforesaid great-nephew of Hermann Melville, Eminem and DJ Red Beat are expected to tour in Summer 2003. A long time to wait, but it will be so worth it.

-Allison McCulloch