Act One – Scene Three

ROBBIE: Hello there. You’re not alone are you?

MONICA: I’m afraid I am. I was supposed to meet my friend, Eliza, and her boyfriend, but they must have gone back to his place.

ROBBIE: Well you can ring his place, can’t you?

MONICA: Unfortunately, this is a new boyfriend. I don’t even know his name, much less his phone number.

ROBBIE: Well that relieves me that you were stood up.

MONICA: Why is that?

ROBBIE: Well, you were looking so nice there that I figured you had a boyfriend or were trying to attract men.

MONICA: What’s so bad about trying to attract men?

ROBBIE: I don’t like flirts. I always like to do the scouting, finding a woman who isn’t expecting love and have it fall right in her lap.

MONICA: I’m afraid I haven’t been doing as much looking as I should, no.

ROBBIE: Well, that’s alright. Hey, I’m Robbie.

MONICA: I’m Monica.

ROBBIE: Like Monica Lewin- oh, I’m sorry. I bet you hate that.

MONICA: I absolutely hate it when people bring her up, just because we have the same name. Why can’t the English get over her?

ROBBIE: Well, she’s such a devilish girl.

MONICA: By the way, are you married? I’ve been told that if you don’t ask, Englishmen won’t tell.

ROBBIE: How awful!! Do you really think that I’d approach you like this if I were married? No, of course not. I don’t even have a girlfriend.  My last girlfriend left me three months ago for an American.  Sorry dear, there’s nothing wrong with Americans. It’s just that I don’t know anything else about him. So what are you drinking? That looks awfully light.

MONICA: Ginger ale.

ROBBIE: Ginger ale? Not a heavy drinker? Not a drinker at all?

MONICA: No, I’m not.

ROBBIE: Then why go to a pub?

MONICA: Well, I was supposed to meet my friends here. And my friend always says that I should hang out in a pub or go to the theater. And I don’t want to go to the theater for awhile. I went four times last week and it’s really draining my savings.

ROBBIE: Oh you bet. I don’t even go to the theater that much.  Sometimes a movie, but not the theater. It’s fun to go cruising in Leicester Square.

MONICA: Oh yes, Leicester Square. I go there all the time. 

ROBBIE: There’s that Charlie Chaplin statue. We should have our picture taken there.

MONICA: So Robbie, do you have a last name?

ROBBIE: Of course, MacAllister. It’s a nice name, don’t you think?

MONICA: Yes.

ROBBIE: You’re not doing a background check on me now are you?

MONICA: No, it’s just that I want to know who you are. Eliza, my friend, doesn’t even catch or remember her boyfriends’ last names that often.

ROBBIE: It seems like she has a lot of them.

MONICA: Oh yes. I just want one.  I can’t see how she picks up a different one each night.

ROBBIE: Well, I bet she gives them what they want, you know? You seem more like a good girl.

MONICA: Yes, too good. I can’t see why she doesn’t get hurt meeting all these men and never seeing them again. I’d like to develop a solid relationship.

ROBBIE: Well great, because I’ve been looking for a nice girl, you know.

MONICA: Oh good. Cause I thought British men were all about shagging and drinking.

ROBBIE: Well I’m not all about shagging and drinking, but I must say you can’t live without either.

MONICA: You can’t?

ROBBIE: Well, I mean, not forever.  Say, you aren’t a virgin, are you?

MONICA: Yes-

ROBBIE: Oh no! I’m in no hurry or anything, but I’d like to inform you that you’re missing out.

MONICA: I don’t know what I’m missing out on.

ROBBIE: No, you sure don’t.

MONICA: So you think we could have a platonic relationship?

ROBBIE: Unless we get married, sure.

MONICA: Oh, of course.  But that might be a long time away.

ROBBIE: Unless we fall in love and decide that we just have to get married.

MONICA: OK. So you’re serious? And you don’t cheat on your girlfriends often?

ROBBIE: Often? Never at all! Don’t be so cynical about men.  I believe you’ve found a decent one, but don’t rely on what I have to say, see for yourself.

MONICA: Alright.

ROBBIE: So I’m going to this party tomorrow night and I need a date.

MONICA: You’re not just asking me because you need a date, are you?

ROBBIE: No way!  It’s an excuse to ask you out, though.

MONICA: What type of party is it?

ROBBIE: You know, a party. What type of party were you expecting it to be?

MONICA: Well, I went to this drinking party with my friend, Eliza. It was a little crazy.

ROBBIE: Ah, tell me about it. I’m not sure this is that type of a crowd. There’ll probably be some alcoholic beverages there, but it won’t be too crazy.

MONICA: I’ll go then.

ROBBIE: Perfect. Meet me at my flat at six o’clock.

MONICA: I’ll be there.