If I Were, by Allison McCulloch

If I Were

If I Were Macy Gray I'd have a cool 'do
If I Were Gwen Stefani, wouldn't talk to you
If I Were Barbara Streisand I'd be less conservative
If I Were Gram Parsons I wouldn't have much more time to live

But I'm me
I'm me

If I Were Lucy Liu I'd beat up you
If I Were Lesley Gore I would cry too
If I Were Alan Keyes I'd keep running again
If I Were Daniel I'd be in the lion's den

If I Were Bobby Fisher I would be a recluse
If I Were OJ, they would call me juice
If I Were Bob Dylan I wouldn't be chillin'
If I Were the IRS I guess I would be billing

If I Were Angelina Jolie everyone would think I'm sexy
If I Were Britney Spears I'd be endorsed by Pepsi [bgvs: and drink coke]
If I Were Sting I'd do yoga, meditating
If I Were Roger Ebert, I'd do a lot of rating

[Cut out: If I Were Britney Spears more of me would be fake
If I Were Martha Stewart there's tons of things I'd make
If I Were Catherina Zeta Jones, I'd marry Michael Douglas
If I Were Alanis Morissette, I suppose I'd hug less]

If I Were  Kevin Cadogan I'd leave Third Eye Blind
If I Were Robert Schumann I'd go out of my mind
If I Were Alanis I'd desecrate the word ironic
If I Were Pink Floyd I'd give new meaning to "sonic"

If I Were Charles Dickens I'd write a classic book
If I Were Jesse James you'd be amazed at all I took
If I Were Johnny Cash I would have been to jail
If I Were Chris Farley, wouldn't be skinny as a rail

(repeat chorus)
1/3/01 Allison McCulloch

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